Smailes Pace: Sailing on the Love Boat

The drive down the coast to the port of Civitavecchia was uneventful other than we were transported very comfortably in a large Merc which succeeded in navigating through the city of Rome without incident. I had my eye firmly fixed on the space in the centre of the windscreen and my brake foot firmly flat to the floor, so of course we were going to be ok.

The ms Noordam is a spectacular ship - the embarkation routine very well organized, it didn't take us long to be guided to our magnificent stateroom on the Promenade deck. But not before had plenty of time to observe some of our fellow sailors. There's Mr and Mrs Howell lookalikes, dressed fittingly in their sailors outfits taken straight from the Gilligans Island set. The 20 something petite bottle blonde black African accompanying who could only be described as her sugar daddy. The couple who look disconcertingly like twins, dressed in matching outfits and sporting identical shaved haircuts.

Tour guide Christina and Cruise Director Drew have their own in-house morning programme to help us start the day. The Explorer magazine is delivered to our door every evening, to assist us in planning our next tour opportunity or take advantage of one of the many specials offered by the Spa, Jeweler or Internet cafe.

Dining options fill fast (we've learned through experience) so planning ahead is essential. Food. Glorious food! It's a glutton's heaven. Catering mostly to the American palate, tacos, pizza and hamburgers are available almost 24hrs. The finest of fine dining offers every cut of cow, from filet mignon to rib eye on the bone, chops and yes, eye filet hamburgers. Jumbo shrimp cocktail (served the traditional way in a champagne float) and steak Dianne or broiled lobster tail transports us back to the 80s, while the Bomb Alaska and fairy floss (yes you read that right) have a special place in our memories.

But don't read too much between the lines - this sailing experience is one to absolutely treasure. Our stateroom could not be more comfortable, the bathroom has a spa bath as well a separate shower and his and hers basins. The bed is sublime, the pillows a choice from soft to firm and in between.

It's all fantastic - particularly the people watching!